29 August 2009

Graham Crackers- the new Gateway Drug

Ok, I confess. I ate a lot of graham crackers today. Being a nurse, I am trapped for 13 hours at a time in a small area with tiny little packets of various types of crackers. Plus, cute little tiny tubs of peanut butter. mmmmmmmm...... I had noticed several weekends ago that the graham crackers seemed to be calling me from their little baskets, or drawers, or countertops, wherever they were randomly strewn, calling to me to "have one! we are harmless...such a small package, have oooonnnneeee!" Being a nurse, I first became a little concerned. Why on earth did we have talking graham crackers in a hospital for crying out loud!? This could frighten the patients. I was able to "just say no" for a while. After all, if the freshly baked cookies put out for the new mommies and their guests didn't get me, why would little vocal packages of graham crackers! Well, one day, two Saturdays ago to be exact, when I was experiencing a helluva weight loss plateau to begin with, the stress became too much for me. I gave in to the graham. After all, we give them to our diabetic patients as a "healthy" alternative to cookies. It is a harmless, nay, acceptable snack! Well, don't you believe it. One miniscule package of talking graham crackers leads to another package, then another, and pretty soon, you need a milk, then, you add peanut butter, which is after all a protein. One thing leads to another, and before you know it, every time you go to work you are bombarded by noise from the graham cracker packages. "You're baaaack!" "What a reliable idiot, uh, friend, you are!" "We are harmless little healthy snacks! Eat up!" and on and on and 0n and on it goes! Then those little styrofoam cups of ice cream enter the conversation and you arrive home at 8 oclock one night in a fog of sugar and fat, having gone from harmless, wholesome snacks to the evils of a food with "cream" in it's name. And you have spiraled out of control. You are now in need of an intervention. The plateau has gone, but if I can't beat my newest addiction, it may return. Beware the graham cracker.


Run Lori Run said...

I had several of them myself this weekend with my other favorite drugs: marshmallows and chocolate!

onemockingbirdhill said...

So far I have managed to steer clear of the disaster that would be S'mores. I haven't had chocolate for nearly 4 months, and I am afraid one taste would send me over the edge. I just can NOT figure out what it is about those graham crackers that is irresistible to me....must learn to fight it! I can't afford to work hard all week only to fall victim to baked goods on the weekends!

Justine said...

Graham crackers were invented by some health farm/sanitarium dude to "cure" alcoholism weren't they? Turns out the recipe was in fused with the very essence of addictiveness itself. The crackers jump into tiny packets and roam the world in search of humans to corrupt. They congregate in hospitals and nursing homes so as to pray on the those least able to resist.

They masquerade with the "whole grain goodness" banner while secretly lacing themselves with the crack like substance "cinnamon & sugar". When slathered with a thin layer of "real creamery butter" they transmogrify into an opiate.

Science is still out on how a chemical process occurs via magic, but those boffins are a bit thick in the head when it comes to food applications anyway.

Be strong sister! Remember James May will be guesting on the Jonathan Ross show next Friday night. Set your DVR to BBC America and imagine James in his jammies and bunny slippers in front of the fridge smearing butter on grahm crackers in an orgiastic night time nosh! He is secrely one of us. We've seen his beer tummy on telly!